Awkward as Fuck - The Kids Aren't Alright

When I was googling images of "making out" for my Sketchy Rating on The Pains of Being Pure At Heart, I came across one of the most awkward things I've ever seen on the internet. On Wikihow, a site much like a Wikipedia composed of "How-to" guides, they have a tutorial on making out. The thing thats so creepy about this is that they're aiming it directly toward young kids with the title, "How to Make Out for the First Time". If that line alone doesn't make you cringe then you were most likely born without a filter preventing you from being an embarrassment in public.

A few of the articles' painful highlights are excerpted below. For extra-cringe factor, imagine one of those dirty, old perverts on Dateline's To Catch A Predator narrating these:

• - For girls only: Hold onto his head and slowly and lightly move your hands to the back of his head. Rub your hands through his hair and down his shirt. Grab his biceps if you feel confident and give it a squeeze while kissing him. It will turn him on fast.
• - For guys only: Wrap your arms firmly around her and rub up and down her back (or lower back if she responds happily.
• Compliment your partner on how good he or she is at kissing. Not only a confidence booster but probably also a great encouragement for more!
• Be assured that you can now make out without fear. Once the first time is over, there's no need to sweat it anymore. After a while try something new like exploring new things.

The creepy redundancy and vagueness of the line "after a while try something new like exploring new things" lets you know that this sentence was either written by some 13 year-old kid trying to assert his coolness by putting his two-cents in or a 40-something guy named Ned who lives in a camper next to a gas station.




Oh, but wait, there's even MORE awkwardness! Here are some posts from under the Discussion: Make Out for First Time forum.

- "I have made out 6 times this week thank you so much i am a pro now."

- "well i think i have made out before. like is there such a thing as making out without using your tounge? like just kinda sucking on their lower lip while they suck on the upper one.is that considered making out too?"

- "dude thnx alot, im going out with my girlfriend for 2 weeks now and were so attracted to one another that were already making out, best place was in a dressing room at a mall, cant bring her to my house cause of my parents :("

- "how old shld be if i wanna make out"

Seriously, was that last post from a kid or one of those cats with poor grammar from I Can Has Cheezburger?!!